I Stank

I just quit cigarettes as well as drink two weeks ago, when I moved into this room. She wanted a non-drinker, though she drinks and it's ok for me to. I was tired of smoking and decided before I moved into this room to quit. 

I quit cigarettes once before and that was easy to do. I used the patch and quit for 10 years. I had help then from Jane Piper at the Dept. of Health. I have quit drinking all by myself as well, as it interferes with just about everything, spatial relationships, pushiness and sleepiness, everything in my life suffers.

Though it is legal and everything, I admit the Marijuana is harder. I grew my own and wont give it up, nor will I give up porn.  I have a marijuana card and have had a lot of sex.

It's like a drunk who gets sleepy when he wants to quit drinking or a hacker when he wants to give up cracking banks or private info, wont be able to. 

   Why is a hard question, because I can. I just don't want to give up all life pleasures, like money. So there is probably why. I am not dead nor am I succeptable(SP) to others wills. I am oneiric and aphasiac. I make others sleepy, the way I write and speak. 

   Why am I listened to and why do I listen to others. Some people would make a deal with the devil to have what I do. So fucking screwed up they have to have others good opinion when they are the ones who fucked things to begin with. They preach we should have and do less and they deliver less unto us.

   Now; we have less of everything AND now that they have more of everything (or somebody has it) in this world they agree maybe there should be more for everybody. But they steal as they say it. They are really the terrorists who have benefited in this Iraq, Afghanistan thing. Bush lovers when he was in office, and grew richer when Bush robbed the country of it's men and spent all poor peoples money, our countries resources, all the poor have.  Now they love Obama, a confused politician. A Nobel price winner who accepted the price admitting he thought is was a bribe. What a good man, to admit that the prize was a gift given to him to inspire him to make this war, America's problem, go away. I wish he and they would do that. He and they should realize what they have done and after thinking about it would admit it and

...would go away

   I don't see the war as my problem, I see bribery and poverty; and the gloom which Radio and TV portray, I see greed and political assassins too as America's problem, as they do because for a profit they will see and explain that is the problem. But i'm in my room and they re telling America, not telling me.

...but is is I who stink. It is I who faces his addiction with a doctor. It is I who faces a lack of morals when it comes to money. My doctor and the church and the teachers all have a job because of me. Obama has a job  because of me. It is I, who when faced with a proof that while they are the people who steal, (robbing Peter to pay Paul) and claim that we are the crazy people who should allow them to help, quit working for them as one of them. Which I am sure they agree to, but they love their piece of the money pie too. fucking. much. to.

   I help them by making work for them. I provide jobs for teachers and doctors because I can't write right and wont go to school or am sick and wont get healthy because I wont quit cigarettes and beer. 

I should help myself  by growing my own medicine, and by not buying from the bad ones the bad medicine. 

Regards,

John